bacon

What It Takes to Survive a Tedious Slog

You have 5 miles left. All uphill. Every corner you turn you’re sure is your last. The end must be near. You have to be getting close. Just a few more switchbacks.

Your legs are shot. Your knees feel like somebody bashed them with a baseball bat. Your ankles aren’t any better.

You hate life.

You’re over the scenery. It was nice and awe-inspiring and blah blah blah 16 miles ago at the start. Now it’s just annoying. And the heat. Don’t even mention the heat. You haven’t been this over-heated since you pulled an all-night dance party at your buddy’s wedding.

You top out to a point you’re absolutely sure is your final destination, and guess what? You still have 4 miles left. Mama Nature thinks you’re an idiot.

How will you ever survive this tedious slog?

I’ve got a few words for you.

Bacon. Beer. Pizza.

Those 3 words will get you through anything. If you can imagine a beautiful bounty of bacon, beer and pizza at the end of your long, dusty, and irritating trail, you’re golden.
You will survive your tedious slog. I personally guarantee it.

Now I understand bacon, beer and pizza may not be available the moment you get off the trail. This is perfectly acceptable. Clean up a little, put deodorant on (or don’t, up to you), head to the nearest town. Somebody, somewhere, is serving bacon, beer and pizza.

BBP is magical inspiration, and not just for hikers. I’ve stood at the end of marathon routes and listened to lean, anorexic runners scream at nobody in particular “where’s my beer and pizza!?” They forgot about the bacon, but you get the point.

Try it next time you get hoodwinked into spending multiple days out in the wilderness, hiking over extremely difficult terrain.

There is a (bacon, beer and pizza) light at the end of the tunnel.

Mmmm…Bacon. Beer. Pizza.

One important tip, though: Don’t start dreaming about BBP right from the get-go. You’ll be a blubbering lunatic halfway through. This I can also guarantee.

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Folks, the outdoor advice line is now open

Today I’d like to find out how I can help you.

No, I will not clean your house, or watch your kids, or offer reliable relationship advice. You would be worse off if you came to me for any of that stuff.

So what am I offering here? Good question, pilgrim. I’d like to help you get started on your next outdoor adventure.

Suppose you’ve never been camping, or backpacking, or kayaking, or anything to do with being outdoors, and you really want to give it a shot but feel like something is missing.

Thinking about a new sleeping bag? Or which tent to buy? Or how to go about securing permits? Maybe you’re stuck in a debate between bacon and beef jerky for your next camping trip (hint: without hesitation, always go with bacon)?

I don’t know it all, and I’m still learning a lot myself. But as a dude with experience in many outdoor situations, I just might be able to give you a few tips. Let’s talk.