What It Takes to Survive a Tedious Slog

You have 5 miles left. All uphill. Every corner you turn you’re sure is your last. The end must be near. You have to be getting close. Just a few more switchbacks.

Your legs are shot. Your knees feel like somebody bashed them with a baseball bat. Your ankles aren’t any better.

You hate life.

You’re over the scenery. It was nice and awe-inspiring and blah blah blah 16 miles ago at the start. Now it’s just annoying. And the heat. Don’t even mention the heat. You haven’t been this over-heated since you pulled an all-night dance party at your buddy’s wedding.

You top out to a point you’re absolutely sure is your final destination, and guess what? You still have 4 miles left. Mama Nature thinks you’re an idiot.

How will you ever survive this tedious slog?

I’ve got a few words for you.

Bacon. Beer. Pizza.

Those 3 words will get you through anything. If you can imagine a beautiful bounty of bacon, beer and pizza at the end of your long, dusty, and irritating trail, you’re golden.
You will survive your tedious slog. I personally guarantee it.

Now I understand bacon, beer and pizza may not be available the moment you get off the trail. This is perfectly acceptable. Clean up a little, put deodorant on (or don’t, up to you), head to the nearest town. Somebody, somewhere, is serving bacon, beer and pizza.

BBP is magical inspiration, and not just for hikers. I’ve stood at the end of marathon routes and listened to lean, anorexic runners scream at nobody in particular “where’s my beer and pizza!?” They forgot about the bacon, but you get the point.

Try it next time you get hoodwinked into spending multiple days out in the wilderness, hiking over extremely difficult terrain.

There is a (bacon, beer and pizza) light at the end of the tunnel.

Mmmm…Bacon. Beer. Pizza.

One important tip, though: Don’t start dreaming about BBP right from the get-go. You’ll be a blubbering lunatic halfway through. This I can also guarantee.

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19 comments

  1. You had me right back to my very first long slog, a trek on the Appalachian trail when I was 15 with a group of 10 Girl Scouts, completely unprepared for that adventure, and 2 young women, maybe 6 years older than us, who saw us through. They encouraged and scolded. Each night we would get into a big circle and give foot rubs and shoulder rubs. But the discussion ALWAYS got to what food we were have when we finished. LOL

    1. I could very easily add Thin Mints to Bacon, Beer and Pizza, now that you mention Girl Scouts. Hey, you can’t skip dessert!

  2. My girls got so annoyed with us when we were hiking in Colorado this past summer. Every corner we were sure would be our last. There were times it went on and on, but the end was always worth it, to us anyway! Maybe they will feel differently when they are old enough to drink beer. For now, bacon and pizza are pretty good motivators! I’m trying it!

    1. Substitute large quantities of chocolate for beer, and you should be good to go. Bacon, Chocolate, and Pizza. Actually, I’ll give that one a shot myself! Hiking with kids can be challenging, I bet.

      1. Of course! Chocolate! Yes, challenging, but I’m hoping they will learn to love the outdoors as much as I do. I hope it doesn’t backfire on me!

  3. Hahaha! I’ll NEVER forget this! It’s too funny. I’m gonna use BBP anytime I have to do something unpleasant for a prolonged period of time. I’m also gonna pass this onto my kids lest they should find themselves slogging through any part of their day. My son is really gonna love it.
    Your description of the tedious slog and the mind games that go on, just to put one foot in front of the other, is PERFECTION! Nice job, per usual.

    1. Now we just have to figure out a way to make BBP healthy. If we could somehow move BBP to the top of the food pyramid, I believe we would experience world peace in no time.

    1. You think if they made a bacon pizza beer flavor of gum, more people would enjoy the process of their tedious slog? Tired of it? Pop in a stick of bacon pizza beer gum! I’m calling Shark Tank.

    2. By the way, I’m thoroughly ashamed to admit I missed the shuttle flyover today. The airshow to end all airshows, and I missed it.

  4. Omg dude, I totally went through this on my 9-day hike. Except I was dreaming of WSPF (wings and sweet potato fries). I started dreaming on the 6th day I think. And that’s exactly what I had when we headed to the nearest town after the trip was over!! It was still an amazing trip though 🙂

    Btw, hope you don’t mind I put up a screenshot of your blog on a post I wrote! =P

    1. 3 whole days of WSPF dreaming? Rough! But you made it! Here’s to many more WSPF opportunities.

      Thanks for the shout out on your blog! Awesome.

      1. Hahaha, well, I ate pretty well while I was on the trip so I survived the WSPF dreaming =P

        My pleasure 🙂

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