(Seal) Sex on the beach

It’s November. Which means you need to start planning your trip to San Simeon, California to witness what can only be described as one massive elephant seal orgy.

This raw act of nature, on display for all to see, is as primal as it gets.

Thousands of elephant seals line the beach annually to mate, fight, snort, belch, chest bump,  produce trumpeting sounds, give each other the evil eye, and generally make a whole lot of noise.

Everything you ever wanted to learn about elephant seals can be found here.

"Ladies, clearly you can see I have the largest proboscis on the beach!"

GETTING THERE

You can find the elephant seals at the Piedras Blancas rookery 7 miles north of San Simeon on Highway 1.

WHEN TO GO

Male elephant seals start setting up shop towards the middle of November. They arrive early to battle it out like men for prime real estate on the sand. Nobody said establishing a respectable harem was easy.

Females finally decide to show up to the party in the middle of December, and continue to arrive through February.  This is when things really start to heat up, and when you should pay a visit.

WHERE TO STAY

I highly recommend the Best Western Cavalier Oceanfront Resort in San Simeon.  They’re dog friendly and the rooms are nice.

Plus they have fire pits scattered around the property, a perfect spot to have a beer while you reflect on the extraordinary madness you just experienced.

"Can somebody help me here? My proboscis is stuck in my mouth again."

Life in the harem.

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